Happy Anniversary

to my darling, sweet, wonderful, husband. Today was our 12 year anniversary. I truthfully can't believe it has been 12 years. He got me a new G2 for our anniversary, and he gave it to me yesterday. I LOVE IT!!!! I have been wanting one for a while now, and I would prefer that much more than any piece of jewelry (except a new wedding ring). Tonight he had our pastor surprise me with a renewing of our wedding vows. This was so extra special to me because the first time we got married, we weren't in church. He wasn't even saved. This time we are both actively involved in church and are saved. It is a big difference that 12 year makes. It made the vows that much more special. I couldn't have asked for a better anniversary weekend.

Saturday Hubster took the boy children on a boys day out. They went and saw Tron and had some lunch. TB told Hubster that it was the best day that he has had in forever. They both asked Hubster to do it more often. TB even posted about the wonderful day he had on Facebook. Talk about bring a tear to my eye. That was extra sweet to me. Saturday night Hubster and I went on a date. We left the house around 6 and hit up Bath and Body thanks to a $20 giftcard that I had. I think Twilight Woods is my new favorite sent. I love it. Afterwards we weren't hungry yet, so we went to see The Fighter. It had gotten such rave reviews. I was disappointed in it. It was a good movie but not a great movie. The language in it was horrible. They really didn't need it. We ended up going to Outback after the movie, and it was the second time in a row that the food wasn't all that great. I doubt we will go back. We still had a good time overall.

Today was family day. We took the kids to see Megamind on base. It was cute, but I'm glad we didn't go to the theater where it cost an arm and a leg to see it. We did some grocery shopping after that, and then we went to church. I've already posted what happened at church. It was just an amazing two days with the most wonderful man.

He is really loving his job. I'm hoping that it stays that way. He leaves tomorrow for 3 days for work. I'm not looking that forward to it, but they pay him extra money for that. He certainly put in a lot of hours last week.

I've got lots of Christmas to still buy. I'm hoping that my friend might get to come over next week to do some baking with her kids and mine. Then I'm hoping that Felecia might be able to meet up the week after Christmas for some lunch. I've really missed her.

My oh My How Things have Changed....

since I last posted. It has been super duper hectic and exciting what has happened recently.

1. Hubster was offered a job making around $10,000 - $20,000 a year more than he was. He starts on Monday. He is nervous and excited. He hopes that it works out, and that he likes working for them. He also is getting a company vehicle, so that means no wear and tear on our personal vehicles plus they pay for gas. It also means that it looks like we will be able to move in February or March.

2. We found out on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving that my brother, who has been in prison for nearly 7 years made parole. He actually got out yesterday. He is going to be staying with us. He looks good, but he seems like a fish out of water. He promises that he will never go back. I hope so. They told us it will take about 2 weeks for him to get acclimated back to civilian life.

3. One of the first graders where the boys go to school passed away last Monday after a 2.5 year battle with cancer. Her mom is a teacher up at the school, so they didn't have school on Friday. It was the day of her funeral. Her mom sent out a message that said that Maddie had not been responsive for over 2 days, and on Monday she smiled and reached up her arms. Her mom said that she went to be in Jesus's arms. What a wonderful thought. We know that one day we will see Maddie again. She is now pain free.

All of the kids are doing excellent. They are all growing like weeds. Hubster and I have an anniversary coming up very soon. We are trying to figure out what we are going to do.

Reflecting

That has been what I have been doing lately. I've been reflecting on life. I've been reflecting on where I want to be, and where I want to go. Hubster is still jobless, but he is at least working at a temp job for now. It is supposed to end on Friday, but it looks promising that they might keep him on for some other projects for a little longer. He also has a job interview on Thursday. That job would be semi-permanent. It is for a project that is expected to last nearly 2 years. The pay on that one is more than he made at his last job, so saying prayers and crossing our fingers that something will pan out. It isn't doing what he likes to do though, but he will do it. He wants to go back to school and get a degree in criminal justice. He wants to be a police officer. At least that is what he wants to be at this moment in time. It will probably change in a few weeks or months. He has been talking about switching branches or even rates when his contract expires in June. I don't care what he does really. I just want things done.

I've been worried about how we are going to do Christmas. We haven't seen a paycheck in 3 weeks, so we are now behind on every thing. It isn't a fun experience, and it about kills me to know that Christmas is just around the corner, and it doesn't look good.

I did get to go out with some friends a couple of Saturdays ago. We went and saw Red and ate at BJ's. We had a good time as usual, but next get together is in January. We are going to do a day of it instead of the evening.

Hubster and I are coming up on our anniversary. Don't know if we are going to get to do any thing. It is going to depend on the job situation. I'm hoping that we get to.

It has been a month

and I'm actually going to post something. Life around here has been hectic to say the least. The weight loss is still going down, but it isn't going down as quickly. I had only lost 6.5 pounds since my last fill. I was disappointed in myself, and he told me not to be. That I had lost weight, and I didn't gain. I've just got to get back on the right track. That is me saying that. I still averaged a weight loss of a pound a week.

We went to California a few weeks ago. That was a great trip up until the end when his father decided to create a bunch of drama. It is to the point, that I don't know if we will ever see him again. I know I won't see him again. I've washed my hands of the man. I will not stop Hubster from seeing him if he so chooses. His grandma cried when she saw us at her surprise party. She had no idea that we were coming out. Every few minutes she would walk up and hug one of us. She kept asking if we were really there. It was a great time. It really was.

Hubster lost his job last Friday. It seems to be a blessing in disguise. He talked to one of the guys he was working with, and they are only working every other week. He can make more money drawing unemployment than doing that. He had a job interview yesterday, and he has another one this morning. Hopefully something pans out soon. The stress is going to do me in. I hate having all of this stress in my life. I will start looking for work next week. He can stay at home with the kids while I work, and he draws unemployment. That is what we are hoping for any way. I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that.

I'm a huge Texas Ranger fan. I've watched them since I was 14. I've loved them the entire time, and this year I was so excited to see them make it to the World Series. They certainly deserved it. They seem to be a class act. I can't wait till next year.

Last Week...

Was very eventful. I had my doctor's appointments lined up for Thursday. Went for my yearly physical to my OB/GYN. Left there feeling even more frustrated than when I went in. I've got a list of questions that I need answered that I didn't even think about asking while I was there after I got a partial diagnosis. I was very frustrated when I left her office to the point that I wanted to cry. I wasn't frustrated with her. I was frustrated with feeling like I'm in a holding pattern, and that there isn't an end in sight. That I have to keep dealing with the issues that I've been having, and that I just need to suck it up and deal with them. At this point, I would just prefer that every thing would be surgically removed since I don't need in any more. I also went to my surgeon for a fill. They were very happy with my weight loss. My port site was sore though after he added some more saline to my band. I've lost a total of 45 pounds since June 30. I'm so excited about that. I didn't want to weigh this morning because I felt like I have eaten nothing but junk all weekend. I lost 2.5 more pounds since Thursday though, so I will be happy and content with it.

KG and TB went to see my brothers this weekend. They went with my parents. They left Saturday afternoon, so it was just Hubster and I with BG and KB. I forgot how easy having to deal with only 2 kids is. We took them to see Alpha and Omega. It was a really cute movie, and BG sat through the entire movie. Every once in a while she would holler out Cocoa (the name of our dog) when she would see one of the wolves. Afterwards we took them out to eat at Chilis. We let KB pick the location. Shane (my younger of the 2 brothers, and the one who is in prison) got to meet KG for the first time. He has only seen her in pictures, and he talks to her on the phone when he calls. She took right to him, and I'm so glad. He got to hold her and kiss on her. Hopefully this will be his year to finally get out. We keep saying that, but at least the end is actually in site. His schedule for release is Dec. 2014. Who knew that shooting somebody with a pellet gun would get you 10 years in prison. He didn't have any idea that it would hurt somebody like it would. They also got to spend the night with my oldest brother. He loves KG to death. He was looking forward to seeing her since they moved.

TB's football team won their game on Friday night, and he actually got a few tackles. He kept getting to the quarter back, and his coach was telling him what a great job he was doing. We also found out that the coach had been talking about him to the principal. It was all good though. She just loves the boys, and she doesn't want to see them get hurt. She was trying to convince Coach to let TB be the manager for the varsity, and he told her no that TB was turning out to be a good football player. He was to good to take off of the team. That made TB actually grin when we told him.

KB lost their first football game. They couldn't get any thing going against the other team. I've noticed that the past couple of games though that their offensive line isn't all that great. We shall see how the rest of the season plays out. That was their one and only loss.

Over The Hump...

or at least it feels like it. I think my body is finally getting it. It finally knows what it is supposed to do. Last week was 4 pounds lost. This week was 2.5 pounds lost, and that was without exercising.

Saturday was BG's birthday party. She had so much fun. Two of my best friends came over with their kids. They had never met each other, and I'm glad that they finally did. I love them both so much. They each keep me laughing and on my toes. One of them has gone through the deployments with me, and the other one helped me through very bad PPD with KG. Which is actually how we became such good friends. Amazing how that through the roughest of times in your life, God puts somebody in your path to help you along. I'm still amazed at how I met Felecia. Who knew that sitting in an airport in L.A. would end up giving you one of your dearest friends in the world.

I go on Thursday to 3 appointments. Nita is going to come and watch the girls for me, so that way I don't have to drag them around with me. I have to have an ultrasound done so Dr. M. can see what is going on with my insides. Hopefully we can figure it out and get the problem corrected without to much hassle. I have a fill after seeing Dr. M. I'm sure that is going to be exciting.

We are less than 4 weeks until California vacation. Getting excited about seeing Hubster's family. At least we get to get out of our state for a while.

Friday night TB got to play over half the game. He was very excited afterwards, or at least as far as I could tell. You have to love 12 year olds, and their lovely attitudes. They won 76 to 41. I felt bad for the other team. They only had 6 players, and they were all small. Small as in the size of my 10 year old. Coach let his 2nd string play pretty much the entire game. Saturday it rained all morning, so KB's football game was pushed back an hour. He didn't get to play, but we went any way. His team won 36 to 0. They are now 4 and 0. He gets to start playing again today. He is very excited about it. We have to go and get him arm pads, and hopefully that will help protect his arm.

Nearly 2 weeks...

and nothing much of excitement happening in my life right now. Met up with some other Seabee Wives on Saturday for a Girl's Night Out. That was a riot. I love those 3. They kept me sane when others couldn't while Hubster was deployed. Saturday is KG's birthday party. That should be fun and exciting. She is a hoot.

KB got hurt at practice a week and a half ago. We spent 3 hours in the ER getting his arm x-rayed. Thankfully it wasn't broken. It was just sprained and bruised. He is out of football until next Monday. That makes him missing 2 games. They are still 3 and 0. They should win on Saturday also.

TB is starting to struggle in school. I don't know what his problem is. I get so tired and frustrated with dealing with it.

The girls are growing, growing, growing. We bought our airline tickets for California. I'm so glad that we don't have to drive it. That would have been a long drive.

Hubster is still working, but he has decided that he is going to talk to a recruiter sooner rather than later. I don't care what he does. As long as he enjoys doing it. I'm hoping to go back to school next semester. I think I have said that just about every semester. I really do mean it this time. I really need a job. Any body out there hiring?

Long Weekend

Friday was the very first game ever at the boys school. They have had a football team for a few years now, but they have never gotten to play at the school. They have always had to rent a field somewhere else. Friday night was the very first time that they got to play at home. They lost. Friday we also found out that Maddie, a 6 year old little girl with cancer, only has 2 to 12 months left. It breaks my heart for her family. She is such a sweet little thing. She was at the game Friday night. She is extremely tired from the chemo that they are doing to help with her pain. They are going to do it for 6 weeks only. The doctor told her parents to pray for a miracle, so that is what we are going to do. We are going to pray for a miracle. I do know that any thing is possible with God.

Saturday was BG's 2nd birthday. We are having her party on the 25th. I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to cook either enchiladas or lasagna. I need something that I can make the day before, and just shove it in the oven on the 25th. KB had his first football game, and they won.

Sunday we went and got the kids' new bedding. I love them all. They all seem to like it too. KG actually picked her bedding out. It is really cute.

Monday was just a day of cleaning. I still have more cleaning to do. I will get finished with it one of these days soon.

Gee Whiz...

I thought that losing weight would help with my blood pressure. That would be a nope. It has gone up, so I get to go to the doctor this afternoon. Oh joy. At least I get to weigh. I also found a knot on my shoulder that I need to have him check out. It hurts, so I don't think it is any thing major. It just hurts, and it bothers me. I didn't notice it until yesterday.

Not very much going on around here. Going to go sometime this weekend and get the kids new bedding. They all desperately need it. I want to get their rooms done, and then I hope to work on mine. I hate every thing in my room. Well, except for Hubster. I kind of like him. Hubster will actually have a 3 day weekend, so I think we are going to visit my new great-niece on Sunday after church. I need to find out about practice on Monday for the boys. That will determine just exactly what we are going to do. I'm just looking forward to relaxing. It seems to have been a long time, since we have gotten to do that.

Another Week and 4 pounds Gone Again...

I could get used to this amount of weight loss. I'm really enjoying it. I also started back at the gym yesterday. Hubster made it home from work around 4, so I went ahead and went. I'm glad that I did. I felt so much better after I worked out. I was actually amazed at how well my body was behaving itself. I wasn't tired, so I upped my time on the treadmill. That felt wonderful. I still want to do the couch to 5K program. I think I'm going to make it a goal to actually run a 5k.

I noticed a change in the way that my clothes fit on Sunday. I think it was the first time that it actually hit me that my body is actually changing. I had gotten dressed for church, and I happened to look in the mirror. My shirt looked like it was a tent. It was a wonderful feeling. I've been able to put on shirts that are a size smaller than I was wearing. I put on a tshirt yesterday that I used to have to stretch out, or it felt tight. I didn't have to do that yesterday. I think I'm going to buy the Zumba tapes to help me work out at home, and I still want to make it to the gym on top of that.

BG turns 2 on Saturday, and I still haven't figured out when I'm going to do her birthday. We are so busy right now on Saturdays and Sundays that I just don't know. I was going to do it on the 12th of September, but that doesn't work because Hubster has drill. I might push it off to October again like I did last year. Even though October is not any better for us. We have vacation coming up in October to California. I'm looking forward to it.

Hubster and I are doing fantastic. I'm still amazed at what a difference a year makes. Last year at this time the girls and I were in Gulfport preparing to send Hubster to Iraq. We actually left to come home on BG's birthday. Thinking that was going to be our last time to see him for 8 months. He is still planning on trying to go active duty when his contract expires.

TB's football team lost their first game. He plays again on Friday at 5. KB's first football game is this Saturday at 2 PM. I'm not looking forward to sitting in the heat. It doesn't appeal to me any at all.

Blah...

That is how I'm feeling. I'm lonely. I have nobody to talk to during the day but the girls, and then don't feel like I have any body to talk to at night. Everybody comes home from work, and that is when I get busy. I have to get supper made for 8 people, get the boys to and from practice, and everybody comes in and goes their separate ways. At least that is the way that I feel. This depression that I'm in is not helping out on the home front. I have no motivation to do any thing, including cleaning the house. This is not a good cycle that I'm in right now, and I need to break it.

At least the weight is coming off again. That does make me feel better. I had my first fill yesterday. That was cool. I got to see my band actually work. They put in 3 -4 cc in my 10 cc band. They say it takes between 3 - 6 fills to get to your sweet spot. The spot where your not hungry in between meals.

The boys passed all of their tests with A's and B's last week. I'm very proud of them. That is a wonderful way to start off a new school year.

I'm going to try and get the girls back on a schedule, but I need help in moving around furniture in their room. I want them to get used to sleeping in their rooms at least at nap time. KG is now officially potty trained. Now, I have to start working on BG. She turns two in 11 days. Where has the time gone? My baby is growing up.

Another Week and another 4 pounds gone...

Never to be heard from again. After struggling last week with the fact that the 3 pounds I lost reappeared, I wasn't very happy. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I started righting down every thing I ate, and I used www.fitday.com to help me track my calories. I was only consuming 500-600 calories per day. I was following the only eat 3 meals a day plan that I was told to do. I just wasn't very hungry even when it came time to eat. I wasn't eating very much. Then I decided that it just wasn't cutting it. I started eating a snack in the morning and a snack around 4. Lo and behold, the weight started to come back off. Got on the scales this morning, and I was down another pound from yesterday. That makes me very happy. I have GOT to start exercising. I'm going to try out the girls at the gym again, and hopefully that will work. I want to be down a total of 40 pounds before we go to California in October. I only have 12 more pounds to go before that goal is met. I feel confident that I can get there. I would love to be down a total of 75 pounds before Christmas.

It was a busy week for us. The boys started back to school. TB started 6th grade, and I was talking to his teacher Friday night. Her son plays on the football team that TB does, and I was shocked to hear how much he participates in class. He is wanting to do problems on the board. I don't think people realize how BIG this is for him. KB started 5th grade, and he is loving it. He has the same teacher that TB had last year. I'm so thankful that they have such amazing teachers. TB had his first football scrimmage Friday night. I will just say that he did okay, and that it was HOT. I'm tired of the heat. I really do hate it. The girls are finally used to the boys going back to school. That took nearly 4 days for them to get used to.

I go in tomorrow for my first fill. I'm very excited about it. I just want it to work for me, and I know it will

What a Weekend...

Went Friday to our Ladies Retreat for church. Got to hear Erica Branch give her testimony on Friday night and sing. The woman can flat out sing too. She has a beautiful voice, and a wonderful testimony of the faithfulness of God. Even when we don't know why he has allowed something to happen. I was going to stay the night, but dumb me didn't take a blanket or a pillow. I didn't even think about it, but thankfully the retreat was close enough that I could drive home for the evening. I missed my husband any way. I got up at 630 on Saturday morning, and went back for the day sessions. Erica talked about Ruth and Naomi. What an amazing story, and again God provided for Ruth and Naomi even in their darkest hours. What a faithful God we serve. She also talked about how to have a personal relationship with God. Gave us tips on how to get closer to Him. Tips on how to pray. I've always been a prayer. I pray when I'm driving if I'm not singing along to the music on the Christian radio station. I sometimes wake in the night, and I will pray. Usually it is because God has put somebody on my heart. I always pray before bed, and usually when I get up. I don't think I realized just how much I pray until this weekend. She was telling us that she writes down her prayers, and that she keeps a prayer journal. I think I might start doing that. That way I can see how God is working in my life and those lives around me. She came to church yesterday and sang. Pastor preached a message on Sunday. Loved what he had to say. I always love what he has to say though.

Ever since Hubster's and I little fight on Tuesday, things have been wonderful. I don't if that cleared the air or what, but it has been heavenly around here. I couldn't really ask for much more than that.

The boys started back to school this morning. I'm excited for them to start, but I think I'm going to miss them. It is very quiet around here, but I'm sure that I can get used to it.

I gained a couple of pounds a few days ago. I got to tracking my calorie intake, and I was only eating between 600- 700 calories a day. That was it. The only thing that I can think is that my body was holding onto every calorie that I was eating. I upped my calories to between 800-900 over the weekend, and the 2 pounds I had gained came off. I still can't eat very much.

Don't Know...

what to think any more. Hubster seems to be in a funk. We got in a fight on Tuesday night at a restaurant. That never happens, but I really don't know what to do. I know he doesn't like doing what he is doing, but I don't know how to fix that. I wish I could make it better, but I can't. I hate even talking to him about it because I start to feel like I'm nagging. His working 6 or 7 days a week is not helping our marriage at all. We have zero time together because he is so tired when he gets home. I'm to the point where I try to stay out of his way. I have to walk on egg shells around him.

The boys started football practice this week. TB is all bruised from practice yesterday. KB is loving it. Tonight is Meet the Teacher's night at school. I can't believe that their summer is already over. They start back to school on Monday. We never got to take a mini-vacation this year because of Hubster's job. I wish we would have had time to do something.

The girls are growing, growing, growing.

I'm doing very well after the Lap-band. I'm so glad that I had it done. I just wish that people understood that this still requires me to make it work. It is only a tool. It helps me to stop eating. I had to go in Monday for my post-op check, and they did an un-fill. I was having a hard time eating. They took what little bit of saline was in the ban out. Amazing what a difference it made. I'm certainly glad that I did the 2 week pre-op diet. It has helped me tremendously. I am no longer craving any thing sweet or high carbs or high fat. I'm only craving healthy things and protein. I met my first weight loss goal on Monday. I have 3 more goals to make including the great big one. I'm very confident that I will make that one.

Banded

I'm now officially in the land of the banded people. I got banded on Monday, and it hasn't been all that bad. I'm having a hard time eating, and what I mean by that is that I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry at all. I have to force myself to eat and drink, and then it is only a little bit. I'm actually feeling pretty good over all. A little bit tired, but still good. My incisions hurt. I have 5 of them.

The boys went to church camp. They left on Sunday. I've missed them. I can't wait to hear how it was. I would have loved to be able to do something like that when I was growing up, but I wasn't allowed to.

Questions and Concerns...

One of the things that I never thought about when I started the journey to get the Lap-band was my marriage. It is not something that has ever crossed my mind until yesterday. I was online on a lap-band forum, when I came across a lady that was getting divorced. She was claiming it was due to the Lap-band. That it changed her life dramatically. That is when she said that she wished that she would have researched how many couples end up divorced after Lap-band. The figure is any where between 60-80%. Wow! That is a huge number. I can't believe how big that is. I'm not worried about my marriage, but it does give me pause. It makes me wonder why that number is so big. What about their marriages made it go south? I'm really curious. I want to avoid all those pitfalls. I don't believe I ever settled with Hubster, which is why some experts think the number is so high. I think that I got the best husband in the world.

I also wonder if my body will ever stop craving things that are not good for me. I would love to have a cookie, a piece of cake, french fries, a hamburger, and a steak. The caffeine craving has gone away, but will the other cravings ever go away. I picked the kids up Wendy's for lunch, and the smell of their food in the car today was awful. I ended up eating a french fry and a chicken nugget, but I did stop myself at that. I refused to eat any thing else. Instead I came home, and I made my protein shake that I am supposed to drink. Amazingly the cravings for that food did go away somewhat. A kid's meal is sitting on the table, and I don't want it. Maybe I answered my own question.

Yesterday Hubster and I went to T-mobile and picked up TB's 12th birthday present. We got him the new Samsung Gravity T. He is loving it. He certainly wasn't expecting it. We refuse to get him the internet on it. If he wants that added to his plan, he has to pay for it.

I got the boys taken care of next week. They are going to spend Sunday night with some friends of Hubster and I. They have to be at church at 8 AM on Monday morning to be ready for camp. I'm praying that God will bless them in many ways next week. They should be back home around noon on Thursday.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go and get my hair done. Today, I'm going to run up to the gym and work out. Have to work off that chicken nugget that I just ate. I'm very disappointed in myself over that. I wish I hadn't done it.

Sunday...

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment. Getting very excited about the surgery. Ready for the surgery to be done and over.

We were sitting on the couch last night when KB was asking me a question. I had turned around to look at him just as he turned his head, and that is when I noticed a knot the size of a half dollar on his neck. He said it doesn't hurt, but my heart started pounding. Knots on the neck can turn out to not be good. I'm calling his doctor first thing in the morning. I'm praying that it is only a swollen lymph node. He hasn't been sick, but his energy levels have not been all that great for a 10 year old. I've been chalking it up to bad sleeping habits.

Hubster took the boys and KG to see Cats and Dogs up on base today. I came home after church with BG. I didn't think she would sit through that movie. Hubster said that KG slept through the entire movie. Go figure.

Day 5 of the Pre-op Diet...

and let me say, that my body is slowly getting used to it. I've noticed an upswing in my energy levels, and I actually feel better.. It might help that I have been working out too. I'm proud of myself, but I'm still getting the Lap-Band done. I'm ready to get it done and over. Next week is shaping up to be pretty busy. Have a pre-op appointment at 1015 for all of my testing. I figured out how to drink my shakes. Amazingly, if I mix 1 scoop (calls for 2) and 8 oz of skim milk, I can drink it. It isn't all that bad.

Found out today that the boys can go to church camp if I can figure out where to come up with $350 before August 2. They were both really wanting to go, and it would probably be a fantastic time for them to be gone with me having surgery on that Monday.

I've about decided that I'm not going to tell any body else about the surgery. Feedback from people has been 50/50 to say the least.

12 Years Ago Today...

my life changed drastically for the good. It was 12 years ago today, that my oldest child was born. First off, Happy Birthday TB! It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that TB was born. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can remember the twice weekly OB visits. I can remember how incredibly hot it was that summer. I can remember wondering how much longer was I going to have to be on strict bed rest. I had already been on bed rest for 6 weeks, when I went in for my OB appointment on July 20. I was at 35 weeks, and TB had decided that he had had enough. He just decided that he would stop moving around in there. Decided to scare us all to death including the doctor. Dr. R decided to do a stress test to see what was going on, and in an hours time there was just a heart beat no movement. I was giving orange juice, and still he wouldn't move. (He was being stubborn. I should have known what it would bring.) My mom was with me, since I wasn't allowed to drive. Hubster wasn't even in the picture. I refused to talk to him at the time. Dr. R. walked into the room looked at the test, and told me to go and have a big lunch. Then to come back to her office. I knew something was wrong when I was taken into her office instead of a room. It was at that point she told us that we were going to be having a baby the next day unless something drastic happened over night with TB's heartbeat. I wasn't any where prepared to have TB at 35 weeks. I still had 5 weeks to go, but he had other ideas. I guess he was ready to enter this world. My SIL at the time, Jennifer, came to stay the night with me at the hospital. They had hooked me up to monitors and all sorts of fun things. My mother, took it upon herself, to go and get Hubster. She thought he at least deserved to be there for the birth of his son. She brought him by the hospital that night to see me, and it was then that I started to soften towards him again. Could have had something to do with how scared I was. I had practically gone through a difficult pregnancy by myself, and not because Hubster didn't want to be there. It was because I wouldn't let him be there. The next morning, the 21st, they started the pitocin at 6 AM. Hubster was by my side the entire time, except for when they came into give me my epidural. They kicked everybody out of the room, and that is when all of the fun started. My water broke before they could get the epi in, and TB decided he was ready NOW to make an appearance. The nurse asked me who I wanted in the room with me, and I told her to grab the first person walking down the hall. That happened to be my SIL at the time, Jennifer. They grabbed a doctor walking by to come in and deliver my baby. It was a whirlwind 10 minutes. It was all over and done with so fast, that at times I wonder if all of that really did happen that way. I think Jennifer can tell you that yes it did. Poor Hubster wasn't even there for the birth of his first child. He got stuck out in the hallway, and didn't get to see or hold TB for over an hour. The thing was that after all that happened, that Hubster never left my side except to sleep. We have been together every day since TB's birth. Not only do I celebrate TB's birthday today, but I also celebrate a new beginning for Hubster and I. We were married 5 months later, and I am so glad that my mom thought he needed to be there for the birth of TB.

Now, that I have that out of the way, let us get back to me. :) Yesterday was day 2 in the journey to my new life. I just couldn't take the protein shakes. They were horrible. I was gagging trying to drink it, so I decided to just try and drink my way to enough protein without a ton of calories. Still don't think I've gotten enough protein in 2 days, but I think it was better. I went to the gym last night, and in 35 minutes rode 7.5 miles on the bike. Never dropped below 85 rpms. I was proud of myself. Probably not all that great, but for somebody that had become a couch potato, I thought it was pretty good. I'm hoping to make it either after church tonight or before again to work out again. I caught myself taking a nibble here and there when I was fixing the kids lunch, but I spit it all out as soon as I realized what I was doing. I am bound and determined to make this work. Looking forward to the lapband. I have pre-op testing next Monday at the hospital. Sounds like loads of fun, and I hope that everything comes back okay. I don't want any roadblocks thrown up now.

Nature of the Blog is going to change a bit...

for a few weeks any way. We are T- minus 13 days till lapband surgery. I'm excited, but I'm also wondering if this is the right thing to do. Not feeling a lot of support from Hubster on this. He keeps telling me to do what I want to do because I will any way. Not what I am wanting or needing to hear. I guess his feelings were made known when he asked me if he needed to be there for the surgery. I have to keep remembering that is for me and not for any body else. I've already gotten some negative feedback from some people. Most any body that I have told though have been nothing but supportive and excited for me.

I started the 2 week liquid portion of the diet yesterday. I had my last ever coke(soda for those not from the south) on Saturday. No more fizzy drinks for me. I can have 2 protein drinks a day, jello, cottage cheese, and soup for supper. I don't think I had enough protein yesterday because I felt terrible last night. I was wiped out. Thankfully after the surgery is done on the 2nd, I will only have 2 days of liquid diet before I can slowly start introducing soft solids back into my diet.

I sometimes think that people will judge me for doing this. I don't think they have any idea just exactly how hard this is actually to do. There is a HUGE life changing experience. There are certain foods and drinks that you are never able to eat or drink again. This is a lifestyle change. You have to be committed to changing eating habits and exercise habits. I still feel it is best for me in the long run. I am doing what I feel needs to be done for me.

What A Wonderful Hubby I Have...

He sent me flowers on Monday, and when he got home from work he took me on a date. It was completely unexpected, but it was so nice to sit at supper and talk to him without a child present. It was such a sweet surprise, and I loved every minute of it.

We got an email on Monday from TB's football coach. We have to pay the athletic fees for him, and they are $250 for the entire year. Geesh, I'm wondering if they can be any higher. I didn't realize that they were so much.

We also had to buy a new vacuum yesterday. Another expense that we weren't expecting. I'm just wondering what the next expense will be.

My plans for Friday got cancelled. The wife I was going to go with got a temp job, so she can't go. I understand that completely though. We will try and get together another time.

All of the kids are doing fantastic. We have plans for the weekend. We have some friends coming over Saturday night for TB's and Hubster's birthday dinner. I'm hoping to get a hold of one of Hubster's very good Seabee friends to see if he can come over. Hubster has to work on Saturday, but he gets off at 330.

The Weekend...

It was super busy, and it flew by. I can't believe that today is already Monday. It was drill weekend for Hubster, so he was gone most of the weekend.

Saturday the kids and I went over to a friend's house. She had invited a few of the wives and their kids over to swim, since our husbands were back at drill. The kids had a ball, and I got a sunburn. One of the joys of having fair skin. We had so much fun there. We saw 4 other wives, and I enjoy spending time with all of them.

Sunday the kids and I went to a baby shower for my nephew's fiancee. They are expecting a baby boy in September. The town it is in is 170 miles away, so we left the house at 830 Sunday morning. It makes for a long day when you are the only driver. They ended up with a ton of stuff, and I still have to order their baby bed that is from my mom, my brother, and me. I got to see my brother, and he is looking so good since his lapband surgery. Even his color is looking better. I can't wait till my surgery, and I hope that I do as good on it as he is. He says that he has to remember to eat because he forgets.

Hubster on Saturday bought us a new set of sheets that were 1000 count from up on base. I got home after spending the day at our friend's house to our bed being made. I must say there is something incredibly sexy about coming home to new sheets and a bed being made.

The kids are finally all better. We are down to 5 weeks before school starts, so I need to start buying school supplies and uniforms for the boys. Think I will start that either this weekend or next weekend. Don't want that to sneak up on us. I will wait till the very last minute though to buy them new shoes. They both grow so fast, that shoes might not fit in 5 weeks time.

Wow!..

I wasn't expecting things to happen so rapidly, but I'm not complaining. I scheduled my lap-band surgery today. I go in on July 19th for my pre-op consult. They told me that it should be between $150 - $200 for the stuff I need for the 2 weeks prior to the surgery date. They also scheduled my surgery for August 2. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. This is a big life changing thing that is about to happen.

The girls have both been sick, so there won't be any church tonight for us. That means I won't be in church again until next Wednesday. That is a long time. Feels weird.

TB had football practice today. He said they ran a lot, but that they got to play basketball for the last 10 minutes of practice.

I can't believe it has been a month...

since my last post. Where has the time gone? We seem to be busy every weekend with something, and I know that when August rolls around it will be even worse. We will have 2 kids in football, and they will both have practice at 2 different locations.

What is going on at our house? KG is just about potty trained. She still won't poop in the toilet, but that is the only time she has accidents. Thankfully that is usually once a day, and she will come tell me as soon as she does it. TB and KB are enjoying their time off from school, but I think they may be ready to go back. I know that I am ready for them to go back. Hubster is working, and he calls it a job. I don't think he likes it all that much, but it pays the bills. He will do what he needs to do I guess. We are hoping that next summer he will be active duty, and we will be able to move. In my world, I was approved by the insurance company for lapband. I'm just waiting to hear from the doctor's office for my surgery date. I had my psych eval and nutritional counseling last Wednesday. They told me once that is done, they will set my pre-op date and surgery date. I'm looking forward to it. Still having terrible headaches. They are bad enough that I'm thinking about going back to the doctor. I had a headache for 2 solid weeks, and nothing was taking care of them. I had a massage today, and he told me that my muscles in my neck and shoulders were extremely tight and tense which could be causing the headaches. My doctor was thinking I was having muscle spasms. The massauses basically spent an hour working on my back, my neck, and my shoulders. I'm very sore tonight from the massage. I did come out of there without a headache though. I want my next massage to be more relaxing though.

Another dear Seabee wife contacted me today to go for a girl's day out in a few weeks. We haven't gotten to have a monthly meeting since March, so we are planning on a meeting on the 16th. I really am looking forward to it. The kids and I are going to go to another Seabee sister's house for a pool party this weekend. The guys have drill, so she invited a bunch of us over. I can't wait to see everybody again.

Hubster and I are doing pretty good. Still stressing about the bills, but that isn't new. We could use some more date nights, but I don't know how to arrange those. I hate asking any body to watch the kids, and I'm just not sure if my oldest is ready yet to man the home front for a few hours. I know that Hubster reads this, so maybe he will take the hint and plan an evening out. I know that I could use it.

I went and got a pedicure on Saturday, and that is usually my time. I ended up taking KG with me. She was crying wanting her toes pretty, and my mom and Hubster guilted me into taking her. She was the best thing in there. I got lots of compliments on how well behaved she was. Saturday was also Hubster's birthday, so we went to his favorite Mexican food place to eat supper. It helps that he worked for them a few years because we always get seated right away, and we are always treated so great there. They put us in a side room where 2 women were. While we were waiting on the check, my dad took all 4 kids outside. The women commented on how polite, how quiet, and how well behaved all of them were. She couldn't believe how well they all listened. That always makes me feel good because I know that I pretty much raised these kids by myself for 10 months, and that means I didn't screw them up to bad. WOO HOO!

I did finally talk Hubster into flying into Vegas in October for our trip to California. We are going to fly into Vegas on Tuesday night and rent a van. Then drive the 8 hours to where his family lives. Then on Monday we are going to drive back to Vegas to stay there for a couple of nights. He has never been, and we are going to take the kids to Hoover Dam. My SIL said that she would love to come with us to Vegas, and that she would stay with all 4 kids one night. That way Hubster and I could have a "date". I found some really good deals into Vegas in October. I think it should be fun. It is much better than driving all that way. That is for sure.

Update on Us...

We started off the week bad, but it ended up great. Hubster ended up with 2 job offers, and he starts to work on Monday. Hubster's last active duty paycheck deposited on Friday, so we are good to go until he gets paid. Yesterday was a big weight off my shoulders.

The boys and Daddy had boys day yesterday. He took them to see Prince of Persia. They all raved about the movie. Now I want to swee it. Think Hubster and I are going to go and see Killers tonight. Going to put the girls to bed early, and then go and see the 950 showing. It looks funny, and I want to see it.

I've got a doctors appointment for a consultation for lapband on Monday. I'm hoping that we can get the process rolling. I had an appointment on Thursday with my OB/GYN. She took a bunch of blood for some tests. I have to take Provera 7 days a month for the next 3 months, and then I have to go and see her again. She said that she will set up an endotimretral abulation at that time. She is hoping to do it at the same time I have the lapband, but she said that she would determine that when I go back in.

Just feel that every thing might be falling into place, and the issues on the homefront seem to have disappeared. I'm so happy that Hubster is home.

I Just have to Let Stuff Go...

I just have to. Otherwise it just keeps eating at me. Hubster has been busy this week applying for jobs. Amazing how that works when you find out that the check you were expecting to get on the 1st isn't there. Seems that when you separate from the military that DFAS holds your last check for 4 to 8 weeks. That way they can determine if you owe money. He went to the place he was working when he deployed. He is supposed to have a job. They are required by law to have a job for them. He went to tell them that he wanted to come back to work ASAP, but they have been avoiding him like the plague. I honestly don't think he has a job there, and they are scrambling to see what they need to do. We are praying that something comes up with all of the resumes that Hubster has sent out over the last 2 days.

Today is the boys last day of school until August. They were both excited. KB is going to stay the night at a friend's house, and TB has an end of the year party at somebody's house this afternoon. I'm pretty proud of the young men my boys are turning into. I think I handled the fort pretty well while Hubster was deployed.

The home front is somewhat better. We haven't sat down and discussed any thing, but I know that once the money issue is situated, that everything else will fall into place. That is our biggest problem. I'm really just trying to let things go. This past weekend was one of the best weekends we have had in a long time. I just finally broke down on Friday. I just couldn't go on any longer pretending that things are hunky dory when they aren't. I told Hubster that we needed to have a talk, but by the time he got home from the capital, I didn't have the energy or the inclination to talk about it. I decided that I'm just going to let it go.

There has been so much death, sickness, sadness, and divorce around me over the last 2 weeks, that I just can't believe it. A friend of mine on Sunday night told me that satan is really hammering at our marriages, and I can certainly agree with that. It seems like every time I turn around somebody else is getting divorced. Hubster's friend found out his wife was cheating on him while they were deployed. He was still wanting to work on their marriage, but she was done. That seems to be a common theme.

I Feel Alone...

I feel like I'm the only one out there going through a rough patch with Hubster being home. Is it just me, or am I just looking for things to go wrong? Are there others out there going through a rough patch? It isn't so bad that I want to just throw my hands up and quit, but it hasn't been pleasant. It just seems that every thing I hear and read about from other spouses, that every thing is just wonderful. That I'm the only one going through this rough patch. Maybe there is something wrong with me? Things are awkward between us. That is the best way that I can describe it. I don't know. Maybe it is just me that feels awkward.

I traded in one stress for another one. I traded in the stress of him being deployed only to have the stress of not knowing where the next paycheck is going to come from. Knowing that we have bills to pay on the 1st, and there isn't going to be a paycheck there to pay for them. We have to count on Hubster having a side job in order to pay them. Oh, how I hate this. I don't think words can describe how much I hate it.

I try to put on my happy face. I try to hide how much things are bothering me.

We have to run the paperwork up to the Tricare office, so that we will continue to have Tricare Prime during the TAMP period. That has to be done today as well as 2 more bills to be paid for. That sounds like loads of fun to me. I'm just waiting on Hubster to get home from a side job that he is doing. At least he made some good money on it. He has another one that we hope will pan out. That one should make him any where from $700 - $800. I think the guy will do it. He has had the light for his kid's basketball court for 3 years. He wants it installed. Here is hoping that one pans out for us. We could sure use it.

I'm Ready to Pull My Hair Out...

I want a break from every body. I want a break from my kids. I want a break from my husband. I want to be by myself. I want to just sit in the quiet and read a book or maybe even just sit. I don't want to have to think (worry) about any thing.

We went to the movies and say Diary of a Wimpy Kid with all 4 kids. The girls did good for the first 60 minutes, and then they started acting up. I ended up outside with them for the last 10 minutes of the movie. That was fine. It was a stupid movie any way. We then went to the commissary to get groceries. That was fun. I was nearly in tears by the time I was done. I'm seriously stressed . Not knowing when or if Hubster has a job. Knowing that another deployment is looming, and what I really want is for him to have a steady paycheck. I don't think he understands how stressed I am over it. Not knowing when or if you are going to have a paycheck is scaring me. I'm not nice to the kids. I'm not nice to Hubster because all I can do is worry about it.

We went and saw Just Wright and Robin Hood yesterday. Loved them both. We want to take the boys to see Robin Hood. Hoping that we might be able to do it tonight after the girls in bed. I think they will love it.

Another Week...

Another week has gone by. Nothing exciting has happened. I got a new Bible for Mother's Day. I love it. I got to take a nap after lunch yesterday, but that was pretty much the end of it. Our church has the kids bring in flowers for the moms. My oldest wouldn't do it. I laugh it off as him being at that age, but it did hurt my feelings some. He said that he had made me something for Mother's Day, so I didn't need a flower. He had made me a card. It was cute.

Hubster is out looking at or working on, not sure which, on 2 different side jobs today. We could really use the money. Especially since we aren't even sure that he has a job. He was given a job lead yesterday from our Sunday School teacher. We have been hearing that you can't find a job in the field that Hubster is in. The market is flooded with electricians which hurts us in 2 different ways. It drives the pay down, and that is if you can even find a job. He keeps telling me that he still has his original job, but I don't trust that job to be there. I don't care how much USERRA is supposed to protect the jobs of reserve members. It didn't help us the last time. Companies have a way around it. It happened to us the last time.

My headaches have come back with a vengenance. I've had a headache every single day for the last 2 weeks. It is awful. Add that to the issues I'm having with my body that earns me a visit to the OB/GYN, and I'm done. I'm sick of this. I'm not looking forward to that visit. Now, that I have scheduled the OB visit, I'm sure my body will respond in kind and quit doing what it was doing.

He has been home for 2 weeks now...

I mean home home. Not just on American soil. Still haven't figured out what to do about a job. I guess he isn't too worried about it. I worry, but that is me I guess.

We talked to a guy at church Wednesday night, and he was asking what Hubster was going to do. I told him that he was looking for a job, and that he was going to sign up for another deployment. That one of the Seabee battalions was needing people to go. He said he could tell us which battalion it was, and he named of the unit. He had hit the nail on the head, and said he had seen their reports. They were in need of a bunch of guys. Still trying to figure out if I'm ready for another deployment, but whatever happens, happens. I will get through it. One day at a time. That is the best that you can do.

I went to Mardels the other day, and I found a book. I wish I would have had this book at the beginning of his last deployment. It is called Hero's at Home. It is a really good read so far. The books are only a $1, and I should pick up some to hand out to those that ask me questions. It is an amazing read.

Hubster and I are still doing good. I'm still shocked at how easy the integration process has been this go around. I don't know if he feels the same or not. He doesn't talk. I keep dreaming of going back to the IP to spend some time. Maybe soon Hubster and I will get a chance to get away for a weekend. We could use it. People don't seem to realize how important it is to carve out some couple time. If you don't do that, your marriage will suffer.

He is taking the boys with him tonight to go bowling with the men at church. It sounds like they will have a good time. Our friends are coming over tomorrow for bbq and dominoes. I was laughing and saying that this makes us sound old. I love dominoes though, and we have them hooked on it also.

Another Post in the Same Week...

We were on our way home from church tonight when I decided that I wanted to talk to Hubster. He usually turns the radio on, so I don't get a chance to really talk to him in the car. He has been home for a little over 2 weeks now, and I told him that I have kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I even asked him if he felt like the reintegration process this time has been easier. He agreed with me. It has felt like that we have picked up right where we left off. I just remember how hard it was the last deployment. It scares me in a way that this time, as of right now, seems to be flowing so easily. I'm praying that another shoe doesn't drop.

I did tell him that I miss those intense feelings that I experienced the first couple of days he was back in the States. Who wouldn't miss that high though? I'm enjoying every minute of our time together. We are already talking about taking a little minivacation during the summer. Just the 2 of us. Maybe during the time that we go to California to see his family. I think we might take a little 2 night trip to Tahoe or Reno. I could care less about the gambling, but the area is gorgeous. I'm sure that he would love it as much as I do.

Not Sure How Much I Will Post...

since Hubster is home. I just don't know what to write about.

We finally made it home Saturday morning at 145. I didn't think we would ever get here. It took nearly 13 hours to get home. The trip normally takes 9, but it seems that we had issues the entire time.

We had a fish fry and birthday party for Ms. Diva, aka KG, on Saturday night. She had so much fun as well as I did with my friend.

Sunday we went to church. Everybody was so glad to finally see Hubster. We went to Hubster's favorite restaurant for lunch. It was on the way to the airport. MIL and SIL went home yesterday. Last night at church, Pastor made the announcement that Hubster had made it home safely from Iraq. He asked Hubster to please stand up, and every body stood up and clapped. It brought tears to my eyes. Then he shared a special scripture about wives, and he said I was one of the greatest wives that he had ever seen.

Today is just getting everybody back in a routine. The boys have achievement tests at school, so their week is a little off any way. KG is already asking when she is going to be able to go to Ms. Heather's house to play with the blocks. We are planning on taking them tomorrow, so that way Hubster and I can have a lunch date. Sounds very exciting. Hubster has a dentist appointment today. I'm sure that is going to be fun. I had already made it before we found out that the VA was going to take care of his dental problems. Oh well, it won't hurt for him to get to know them.

We are still in that honeymoon phase of the return. Where we are just happy to be together, but I can already feel the doubts creeping in on my side. He has been awfully quiet. He doesn't talk, so I don't know what is going on with him. I hate asking questions because I feel that maybe he would just tell me. The kids though are still doing great with him. The girls cry when he leaves.

It Has Been a Long Time...

or so it seems since my last post.

The girls and Hubster are all taking naps, so I thought I would give a little update. We had a wonderful time during Hubster's liberty. Hubster and I had 2 nights to ourselves before the family invaded. I was so glad that the kids had a 4 day weekend. My parents and his sister and mom brought all 4 kids to GP for them to see him. We spent a day at the beach, and then we went and saw the USS Alabama. It was so much fun. I love history and every thing to do with it. I found that fascinating. We even got to tour a submarine. Now that was interesting. No way I could ever serve on one though.

I'm ready to go home though to my bed. The girls and I stayed with Hubster in GP while the rest of the family went home on Monday. This out processing by the Navy has been something. He started the process on Monday. Hubster was off on Wednesday. He went in for 3 hours today for medical and dental, and he still isn't done. Has some paperwork to fill out, and then we should be able to make the 9 hour road trip home tomorrow. I sure hope so because KG keeps saying she wants to sleep in her bed. I can't say I blame her. Hubster hasn't even seen our new house. I hope he likes it.

I forgot to tell how well the girls did upon seeing their Daddy. They wouldn't let him put them down. I didn't even get as much as a hello from them. They were all about their Daddy. I'm glad that they went right to him. That always worried me.

The Reunion...

Photo was taken shortly after Hubster got off the bus.

I forgot how intense the feeling would be of seeing Hubster again. I knew where the buses were the entire time. I will tell you there are not any words that can describe the intense feelings that you experience when I read the words. "We are on base". I started to shake. I was having a hard time remembering to breath. Then when you catch the first glimpse of the buses as they are being paraded around the base. Yes, they were paraded around the base before they got to us. They made the turn to get into the home stretch, and everybody that was there started shouting and hollering. Hubster was on the second bus. He was waving at me from the window, so I knew exactly where he was at. I watched his progress down the aisle. I was not losing sight of him. I got a picture of him as he stepped off the bus. They had told us to stay off the grass, but as soon as he stepped foot off, I ran to him. I could have cared less about the grass, and everybody else was the same way. If they didn't want us on the grass, they should have had the meeting in the parking lot. We were there nearly 2 hours waiting on his bag.

My heart did break for those that didn't have family there to greet them. I hugged a few of them to welcome them home. I hugged his friend a couple of times. He didn't have any family there to greet him. He actually took the picture above of us. I was kind of shocked that there were not that many people there. For over 200 Seabees, there were maybe 40 families there to greet their Seabee. I figured that there would be more with how close we were to the training place. I know that we live 2 states over, but I fully expected to see more people.

I probably won't post any thing else until after Hubster gets to see the kids. They are set to come out to see him in 2 days. KG saw the picture of Hubster and I on my FB page. Grandma showed it to her, and she told Grandma...There is my Daddy. There is my Daddy, and he is with my Mommy. Does Daddy get to hold me? I can't wait for her to actually see her Daddy. Daddy said that he would hold her as much as she wanted him too. BG was also hollering Daddy at the picture. I hope they take to him right away. I've tried to make sure that they know who he is.

The End...

I'm writing this post the night before Hubster is set to be home. I will publish this post as soon as Hubster has safely made his way back into my arms. I wanted to try to put into words what it is like the day and night before they get home.

I woke up Sunday morning at 5 AM. It is now Monday morning at 1 AM. I'm still wide awake. I am running on pure adrenaline right now. The excitement of seeing Hubster after 7 months is beyond any words that I could use to describe it. I sit here on the bed, and I anxiously count the hours until I think he might be here. I have set my phone beside the bed waiting for his picture to pop up when he has finally landed safely in the US. It will be the first phone call from his cell phone in 205 days. I don't know what kind of emotions I will experience when that first call comes through, but I'm sure they will be all over the place. I've got to try and get some sleep. I'm wiped out.

It is now 730 PM on Monday night. Hubster still hasn't made it home. They had mechanical issues with the plane, so instead of being here with me, he sits in a hotel room still over a thousand miles away. Hoping to get home Tuesday. I'm not nervous or anxious any more. I just want to have him home. The saying....SEMPER GUMBY....certainly fits with today.

HE IS BACK IN THE STATES!!!!!!!!

Deployments are Like Pregnancies...

I sent this to Hubster towards the end of the last deployment. I came across it this afternoon when I was looking at the old emails from him that I had received while he was gone. I kept every single one of the emails that he sent to me.

This has been the longest 10 months of my life. I am starting to think of this as kinda like being pregnant.

You suffer for the first few months with sickness. ( You wake up every morning with your stomach churning. Hoping that you don't get a knock on your door from a person in a dress uniform. Looking at every car that might happen to stop or slow down in front of your house and praying that it is not somebody from the military. )

Then you have your second trimester where you start to feel the movement of the baby and you don't have that sickness anymore. ( You have learned at this point not to worry as much about that car that has stopped. You still have that worry in the back of your mind, but you pray every day that the Lord will keep him safe for you. It is about this time that you hit the half way point. This is when the baby moves. You realize that their really is something there. That it won't be long until you see them again. That you have made it through what is supposedly the worst part.)

Then you hit that final trimester. Oh the excitement of finally getting to see the face of who you have been carrying under your heart for this long. There is still some pain and agony involved. The anticipation of the delivery. The delivery that keeps getting moved back. By the time that you have reached the 9 month stage you just want it to be over. You are so tired. Every little thing that can go wrong probably will during this time. ( This is when you start to get to the nitty gritty. It becomes hard for you to focus. All you want to think about is the end. You are tired. You are stressed. This is the hardest part of all. This is the longest 3 months of your life. You just want them to be over. You want to see the end result. )

Then you finally make it to delivery. The labor is not easy, but the rewards of finally seeing your child are worth it. ( I feel that we are in the delivery stage about now. This portion of the deployment is not easy. There is still going to be alot of pushing, but in the end it will all be worth it. Just as you think that you have finally made it to the end, something happens to make it get pushed back. But when we make it to that final step, the step of actually seeing each other again, it will be worth it. The pain and loneliness will just vanish. All we will think about is how wonderful it is to be in each others arms again.)

Hmmmmm....

Life has been so incredibly hectic this week, that I haven't had the time to blog. I decided that I would tonight, since the girls are in bed and asleep.

Things are weighing heavily on me. Hubster is due home soon. There is so much joy in knowing that ours is ending. I feel a sadness though too. It feels like another chapter is coming to an end. It is coming to an end. The anxiety of the not knowing, the what ifs. I just need to give them over to God.

I went and got the base decal today for the Explorer, and the guy was a total butt. My drivers license is still in my maiden name. He told me he could make a big stink about it, and that it could cause me problems. Fine...Whatever...What would you like me to do? I don't exactly have the time to go to the DPS office, and then have it changed to my married name. It is the only thing that is still in my maiden name. Yes, I know it needs to be changed, but I don't have any desire to run up there to do it. I have car insurance. I have the title. I have the registration. What else do you want? I guess they want my name to be the same as my husband's last name. Give me a freaking break.

I have so much to do tomorrow. I'm hoping that I can get every thing on my list completed. Plus sometime during that time talk to Hubster.

Part of the Deployment Check list is Done...

I can mark off clean out Hubster's half of the closet that I took over. I can mark off the clean out the dresser, so that Hubster has a place to put his clothes. That is the fun of moving during a deployment. I packed his clothes up, but I never unpacked them. I just took over the entire dresser and 3/4 of the closet. Had to rearrange some things though in order to clear out of a place for his clothes. The problem is that I can't remember where exactly I put his clothes. Oops. Hope that I find them soon.

I can also mark off the clean my house off my list. It is now cleaner than it has been since we moved in. I'm loving how nice it looks. Anybody want to come and visit?

Just need to start making a list of things to pack. Find my swimsuit. Find Hubster's swimsuit, and pack his bag too for our trip to Destin. I can't wait to see him. Love that man more than he will ever know.

Happy Easter!!!

The last holiday that we will spend without Hubster this deployment. I can't believe that I can finally type that. This deployment has seemed so long in most aspects, but in some it has seemed so short.

Easter is one of those holidays that I think people have lost sight of what it really means. It is wonderful to know that I serve a living Savior. One that was crucified on a cross. Who laid down His life for my sins. Then 3 days later arose from the grave. Wow, that sends goosebumps down my arms just thinking about it.

I told Pastor today the due date. He said that was one of the best Easter gifts he could imagine. He can't wait to see Hubster. All of our friends can't wait to see him.

The kids and I went to a friend's house Friday night for supper and games. It was so much fun. I laughed and laughed. I was telling Hubster about it, and I was telling him who was all there. I told him that DH and his wife were there. I know he will know them as soon as he sees them. They sit behind us in church. He finally got exasperated with me, and he told me that he couldn't believe that I wouldn't tell him who DH was. He thought I was just giving him DH's initials like I do when we talk about some of the wives. I started laughing because his name is really DH. He goes by his initials.

Yesterday I was trying to figure out what to wear for Easter and homecoming. I finally decided on some sandals, a jean skirt that I have, and I bought a t-shirt that I think will be cute. It should be all that I need. I've got to get some packing done. It is very close to homecoming time. I was telling somebody that I can't wait to just smell him. You don't realize how much that you miss that smell when they are gone.

We are going this afternoon to Aunt Margaret's and Uncle Gregg's house. The girls will get to hunt eggs there. She texted me about 1130 to see if I wanted to bring them over. The boys hopped all over that one. We went to the 830 service at church this morning. Then I took the kids to Mimi's Cafe for brunch. That place is so good. I really love the food. Told them I was NOT fixing them lunch though. They all 4 pigged out.

Can't Believe I haven't Posted since Sunday...

Guess this week got away from me. I don't know how that happened. It has been an exciting week to say the least.

MIL is due in next week. She will be staying for 17 days with us. SIL will be in the week after that. She is going to be staying with us for 11 days. The kids are all very excited as am I.

KB is still having issues in school. He got 9 conducts, and I got 2 emails from his teacher. He has been grounded until further notice. He has a book report that is going to be assigned next week, so he is going to get an early start on it tomorrow.

The other kids are doing good. I got a wonderful report on TB from his teacher. I always love that. Everybody seems to just love him. They all talk about how helpful, and loving, and how he always has a smile. Wonder where that same kid is? I don't see him at home. At least he behaves himself at school.

I had to have half my mouth deep cleaned. That is what happens when you don't go to the dentist like you are supposed to. The right side of my mouth is hurting. I had to eat soft foods today. I'm dreading having the other side done.

Not really much else going on. We are very close to Hubster's return. He informed me that he has volunteered to go deploy with another battalion in August. Not sure I'm ready to face another deployment if it comes down to it, but I will. He told me today that he knows the point of contact, and he hopes that gives him a leg up. This seems to be what he wants to do, and I will support him 110% in it. We have not informed the kids that this might be a possibility. I don't see any reason to do that if it doesn't happen. I did inform our Sunday school class, but that was only so that they could also pray that we get God's guidance on this. This is a big deal.

Wrap Up...

Thursday was actually a good day till I got home. I met Shiloh for Starbucks and pedicures. The people are so nice where we go. They told us to just relax and take our time after they were done. We set there for nearly an hour laughing and chatting. It was very nice and relaxing. Then we met Rachel for lunch. The boys had a musical program Thursday evening that was okay and thankfully short. It was after I got home that things kind of fell apart. I had an email from KB's teacher. I talked to Hubster about the email. It was like being hit in the stomach. He called our Pastor. Who said he would call me to set up a time to talk to KB. Never got a phone call, but this morning my pastor asked me if I got his message. I didn't, so either he called Hubster's cell phone or a wrong number or my phone ate the message.

Friday wasn't any thing exciting. I don't even remember what I did.

Saturday went out with some other Seabee wives to Outback. It was a blast. I had so much fun. When I got home my mom told me that she won't watch the girls again. Seems they cried a bit. UGH! Great. Just what I wanted to hear.

Sunday school, church, and church again were great. I'm starting to feel the stress though of the end of the deployment. I'm really trying not to stress out about it, but I am. I worry about his job. I worry about how things will be when he gets home. I worry about the money situation. I worry about all of these what ifs. I'm stressed to the point where I'm afraid that if any thing else goes wrong that I'm going to shatter. There is that much stress on my shoulders right now. I know that every thing will be fine. It is in God's hands. I feel alone, and I dread Easter Sunday. I'm not looking forward to being alone. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I can already tell that Sunday is going to be very hard as it was the last deployment. At least this time, I'm going to church.

The kids have dental appointments in the morning, and I can't find the paperwork I filled out. The printer isn't working, so I need to make sure that I get there early enough to fill it all out again. UGH! Just another thing that I have to deal with.

I Need This Deployment Over.

I don't think there needs to be any more said. Hubster I love you and miss you.

Crazy Busy With Work...

I'm not going to complain, but I have logged close to 80 hours of work in the last two weeks. At least those hours have been productive. I should log around $1600 in commissions. Wish I could do that all the time. I have 3 more trips that I'm working on now.

I missed Sunday morning church services because I slept through my alarm. I never even heard it going off. I guess I was tired. We did make it to the services on Sunday night. I got home and was chatting online with a couple of different wives who went to the reintegration meeting. I was seething by the time I was done. Seems we won't be told when they will be home until 3 days prior. I don't know what to book. It isn't fun. I have about a 5 day time window now. No idea what to expect. I'm ready for it to be done. I'm ready to be done with March, and I know that we are close to being there.

I'm hoping to get the playroom cleaned tomorrow. If nothing else, that is what I want to get done. Thursday I am meeting Shiloh and Rachel for Starbucks, pedicures, and lunch. It should be fun.

I have no idea what to do with KB. He doesn't want to go to school. He says he doesn't have any friends. That one of the boys in his class is telling other kids lies about him, so that none of the kids will play with him. I guess I will email his teacher and see if she knows any thing. His grades are slipping bad. I'm ready for Hubster to get home. Hopefully he can talk to KB. I just don't know what else to do.

I Think I Will Live...

I have been so sick for the last 2 days. Today I have felt pretty much back to normal except for a nasty cough and very sore stomach muscles. Yesterday, that I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

KG got gum in her hair last night. The only way to get it out was to cut it out. I'm still not sure how much we will have to cut off before it will look okay. She cried when we were cutting out the gum.

Friday it was 73 degrees here. Saturday it is 32 with snow. The weather is crazy.

I tried out a new icing recipe for KG's cupcakes. Turned out to be good.

Hubster called today. I feel bad because his chief told him to call home. I'm friend's with Chief's wife, and I asked her if she had heard from her husband. Found out that what had happened, and she said that she would tell Chief to tell Hubster to call me the next time. Wasn't exactly what I had wanted to do, but I did get a phone call this afternoon. I asked him if he was told to call home. I don't think he would have if Chief hadn't told him too. Then he didn't really talk. Made me kind of wish he hadn't called since he didn't take it upon himself to be the one that actually called. I could tell that if he hadn't been told to call home, that he wouldn't have. Makes me always feel good. Yes, that was sarcasm in case you couldn't tell.

Today has Sucked...

There are no words to sugarcoat it. It has sucked. I want to sit down in my closet and cry. It has been that bad. I hate the end of a deployment. I despise the end of a deployment. I'm at that point where the end is so near, but at the same time it feels far away. It doesn't help that I didn't hear from Hubster today. Even though he hasn't actually called on a phone in nearly 3 weeks, I still get to chat online with him just about every day. Today hasn't been one of those days though. I guess he figured I was going to be busy today, so there really wasn't a point in getting online. I know he has been tired. Still when you don't hear from them, your mind starts playing nasty tricks on you. We are so close to the end. I happened to look at the count-up clock today. It reads 180 days. That is 6 months dang it. 6 months...He should be home. Stupid, stupid extension. I hate this. I'm now wondering what else is going to hit me wrong today. I'm very disconnected from everything.

Add that to the fact that I had plans for today that got canceled. The boys have no desire to go any where. I really need to run some errands, and I have zero desire to get dressed and go do them. I need to clean my house. It needs a thorough cleaning, and I have zero desire to do that either. I hate our bedroom furniture. I want a new bedroom. I want a new bed set at the minimum.

KG did go pee in the toilet today. I was very proud of her, but then she wanted her diaper back on after she did it. I really do just want to give up. I need to buy some new clothes, but I'm afraid to go and spend the money on it even though I have found some excellent deals online. What should I do?

Another Wednesday Is Done...

another church service attended without Hubster. That means that we are that much closer though to him being home. I can't wait. Church was great tonight as always. Really starting to enjoy our new worship leader more and more. Took him a few weeks to get into the groove of things. Him and his wife attend our Sunday school class. She is just as sweet. I really do like her.

Didn't do much today except go to Sams. Went and got a little bit of food. Sent my brother some money that he had asked if he could borrow until the 1st. Figured this way I wouldn't spend it, and I will just put it into my vacation fund when he pays me back.

Been another good day. I felt off this morning, but the rest of the day was good. I am noticing that my nerves are a little on edge. Little things are starting to get to me. This is part of the build up to him coming home, and knowing that I have so much to do to get done. He won't care one way or the other, but I do. I didn't get any thing accomplished that I was wanting to, and that starts a vicious cycle. Now, I'm hoping and praying that I don't get any more curve balls thrown at me. Please Lord, don't let there be any curve balls. I know this is the military, and there are bound to be. At least let them be something that isn't bad.

Halfway through Another Month...

I'm ready for March to be over. The good thing is that we are halfway there.

Hubster sent me flowers today. He had read my blog from Saturday, and he thought I might need a pick me up. How very sweet it was. He certainly didn't have to do that. I love him regardless of it, but it was such a nice surprise. I thought it was a neighbor kid ringing my doorbell this afternoon looking for the boys. Instead I open the door to a woman delivering me flowers. It was such a nice surprise.

I'm waiting to find out if my nephews are going to be coming up this week. I have heard rumors that they are, but I haven't spoken with them yet to verify those rumors. I sure hope they do. I would love to see them. My oldest nephew's fiancee has a 2 year old little girl who enjoys playing with KG. She told Jeremy that she needed to come see KG. I think that is hilarious. I am supposed to meet my friend on Thursday at the park with the kids for lunch. We are going to have cupcakes for KG's 3rd birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 3. We are going to go Friday to the botantical gardens with my aunt and have a picnic. Hopefully we will get some great pictures.

We are still debating on rather or not to bring the kids out to GP when Hubster makes it back to the US. We are looking at the financial aspect of it. I'm hoping to get it worked out.

Think I might be painting the girls bedroom. Don't know yet. I've got to go and get KG a new bed as well as start looking for a toddler bed for BG. When did my girls get so big?

Saturday Night...

I sit her on my bed tonight contemplating. I went to our prayer and worship for one of the ladies in our Sunday school class. She is having a stint put in her brain on the 22nd. You could feel God in the room. It was really amazing. I don't even know how to describe our Sunday school class. It is such a great fellowship of people. There is a closeness to the group. I'm so glad that my New Year's resolution was to get involved again with the Sunday school class and to start going. It was the best thing I have done all deployment.

Friday was a relaxing day. I went with Felecia to get a massage, a pedicure, lunch, and some shopping. I got home with enough time to spare to get dressed for a night out with some other Seabee wives. I must say it was interesting, but it really hit home again at how much I have changed. I never felt comfortable. I'm not into the being loud any more. We had people get up and move, and I felt bad about that. If I would have had children with me, I would have not been happy. I have no desire to get drunk. I've really lost most desire to even take a drink.

I can look tonight at the two completely different scenarios, and I know where my life is right now. My life is with my church family. It is with God. As much as I state that they don't know what I might be going through on a day to day basis, they love me regardless. I have a peace that knows no bounds.

I also tonight have been contemplating what the reintegration is going to be like when Hubster gets home. I'm nervous and worried. I'm nervous that he will see me, and wonder why he married me. I'm nervous that we will have problems within our marriage. I worry about Hubster's ankle and job. I worry about how the kids are going to do. I worry that Hubster will think I have done a terrible job at raising the kids. I have all of these thoughts, and I know that I need to turn them over to God. That it is in His hands.

I Can't Believe It's Thursday...

This week has FLOWN by. I've been so busy with my job, starting to prepare for Hubster's homecoming, getting flights arranged, getting hotels booked, getting a car booked, and hunting for a new vehicle to us, that I look up and it's the end of the week. Man I hope the last few weeks of this deployment fly by just like this because I'm ready to see my husband. I can't even remember what has been going on.

Going out Friday night with some other Seabee wives for one of their birthdays. Actually got a sitter for the night. I bought MIL's airline ticket for her trip out to watch the kids, so that I can go and spend a glorious week with my husband by myself without kids. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about having any more little ragamuffins. Found Hubster a 1997 Ford Explorer 4x4 today. My dad brought it home for me to test drive. It has had one owner. It is very clean, and it handled very well. It was also $1000 less than we were expecting to pay. All in all, I think I will go ahead and get it. I get to drive it tomorrow. It has been nearly 2 years since we have been a 2 family car. I'm meeting a friend tomorrow. We are going to get a massage plus who knows what else. I did end up buying 2 new skirts today. I love it when I get a deal. They both hit me right at the knee and are denim. One of them has 2 denim ruffles at the bottom, and the the other one has a zipper that runs from the bottom all the way up to the pocket. I think Hubster will like that one. He was texting me while I was shopping for clothes for the trip. He was cracking me up with his comments because he was wanting to know what I was buying. I can't wait for him to be home.

I told our pastor last night that we had a time frame and gave him a two week time period. He was so excited. He wanted to announce it. I told him to hold off. That I would let him know when he could.

Saturday night I have a Sunday school pray and worship for one of our classmates. She is having brain surgery on the 22nd. How scary. We found out that my uncle has stomach cancer, but they think they caught it early. It has been a busy last couple of days, and it doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon. That is just the way I like it right now.