I sit her on my bed tonight contemplating. I went to our prayer and worship for one of the ladies in our Sunday school class. She is having a stint put in her brain on the 22nd. You could feel God in the room. It was really amazing. I don't even know how to describe our Sunday school class. It is such a great fellowship of people. There is a closeness to the group. I'm so glad that my New Year's resolution was to get involved again with the Sunday school class and to start going. It was the best thing I have done all deployment.
Friday was a relaxing day. I went with Felecia to get a massage, a pedicure, lunch, and some shopping. I got home with enough time to spare to get dressed for a night out with some other Seabee wives. I must say it was interesting, but it really hit home again at how much I have changed. I never felt comfortable. I'm not into the being loud any more. We had people get up and move, and I felt bad about that. If I would have had children with me, I would have not been happy. I have no desire to get drunk. I've really lost most desire to even take a drink.
I can look tonight at the two completely different scenarios, and I know where my life is right now. My life is with my church family. It is with God. As much as I state that they don't know what I might be going through on a day to day basis, they love me regardless. I have a peace that knows no bounds.
I also tonight have been contemplating what the reintegration is going to be like when Hubster gets home. I'm nervous and worried. I'm nervous that he will see me, and wonder why he married me. I'm nervous that we will have problems within our marriage. I worry about Hubster's ankle and job. I worry about how the kids are going to do. I worry that Hubster will think I have done a terrible job at raising the kids. I have all of these thoughts, and I know that I need to turn them over to God. That it is in His hands.
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