Trying not to let things bother me, and I'm not succeeding.

I've been doing good all day, but now I sit here at the computer. I feel lost. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel, Ho Hum. I'm tired, but my mind won't slow down enough for me to fall asleep. I just want to crawl under my covers and pull them up over my head.

My uncle tonight asked me what time we were going to church in the morning. I said 10 or 1130. He asked me if I was going to Sunday school. I told him that I doubted it. I don't feel comfortable there, and I don't think anybody really misses me any way. I don't think it really matters if I go or not. Nobody checks on me except on Wednesday night. I don't really need the check ups on Wednesday nights. It is nice for people to see how I'm doing. Don't get me wrong. It is the other days of the week thought that are hard. How in the world do you explain that? I know people have busy lives. I do understand that. I also understand that because I have 4 kids that people just don't want to have to deal with them. There was this big to do about giving me a break on Saturdays, and that people would take my kids for a couple of hours. Nope, it hasn't happened. I finally decided to hire somebody to give me a few hours of piece and quiet because I don't think that it is going to happen. I wish I had never heard about it. I know that part of that is satan just really hammering at me. I do try my best not to let it bother me, but I have a hard time even facing people in church because of it. Again, I see satan in this. I can tell my head that people are busy with their own lives and families, but my heart just has a hard time not hurting from it. I've gotten where I get to church at the last minute, and I leave as soon as I can. I just don't want to talk to anybody. Satan is trying to take me out of the fold.

I usually here from FD every single day a few times a day. I'm really feeling a wonderful friendship developing. We have known each other for 4 years, but I really feel that we are good friends now. Maybe it is because I know what it is like to have a lot of kids, but I feel like I can tell her any thing. She doesn't judge me.

I had BG's birthday party today. It was only 5 weeks late, but I invited another Seabee wife and her 6 kids to come over to have supper with us. I had made lasagna, and it turned out so yummy. I really enjoyed having them over. KB had his homecoming. He is a riot. It was chilly outside at the game. My mom and aunt took the girls home during the 3rd quarter because it was so chilly and damp. They ended up losing the game 24 to 8. I have no idea what was going through KB's mind, but he was doing something strange on the sideline while he wasn't playing. He had our stands rolling with laughter. It was some sort of dance/spasm. I wish I would have had my video camera. BG was so tired, that she didn't even want any cake. She just wanted to go to bed, so off to bed she went.

Hubster no matter what, I will always love you. I will always be proud of you. I miss you like you would not believe. I long to hold you in my arms.