But I desperately need to find my happy place. I'm irritated. I'm angry, and I'm fed up. I'm wondering if I blog about it if it will make it better. It certainly can't hurt because the anger is eating at me.
I'm at the point where I'm not asking for any more help. I've asked for help 2 times and now 3. Not once has any body helped except my sweet aunt. She is going to come and stay with me the day after surgery. I'm fed up. I don't ask for help hardly ever, and I won't be again. I would rather rely on myself than on any body or any thing.
I'm tired of feeling like I am the only one whose life is on freaking hold. Then to not know what is going to happen when Hubster gets home is driving me insane. I want answers. I want to have some clue as to what I need to do. What plans I can make.
I'm tired of being disappointed in people. I'm still having issues with the disappointment in people at church. I'm back to that place where I don't want to go. I don't want any thing to do with our Sunday school class. How sad is that? Satan is hammering at me again.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm one of an unique group of people whose lives are effected by these wars. Unless you have a family member over there, it doesn't even effect you. You just go on with your lives like every thing is the same. There is no sacrifice on the parts of the American people. The only people right now who are sacrificing anything at all is the soldiers, sailors, and their families. Everybody else doesn't have a freaking clue. (Well, maybe they kind of have a clue, but I'm just angry right now.) What has anybody given up besides the military families? I would love for somebody to tell me. Have you given up a holiday with your loved one, or two, or three, or even 20? Do you have any idea how hard it is to plaster a smile on your face when what you really want to do is crawl into a hole? We aren't even at the halfway point unless you count the training, and then we are just now there.
I will probably have somebody read this and tell me that I need to take it down. The thing is that I do feel some what better. I'm still angry, but at least I don't feel like I'm going to explode at the next person who dares ask me if I need any thing.
well, I have a clue. I am dealing with a lot myself. I felt that same burst bubble feeling when I got the email, I told you that. I feel you, MM. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I stopped going to church specifically because I didn't get good vibes and I've been to a few churches. Most of the time I just felt like I was being judged or sized up. It may totally have been my imagination but it was like highschool with cliques of people. And I don't need others around to help me rejoice in my spirituality.I don't have to go to a building outside my home. That's just my view and I hope you can realize that you are going to church for yourself, not to cater to what others there think or feel about you. You are going to worship and praise the lord for your mind, body and soul. Hope that helps and know that even though I am busy and may not be much help to you, you can always call or email me and I am there for you. I did offer in the event you have no body else to pick you up even if it's when I get off work, if you remember. I am always willing to help a friend when I can. I know our busy lives keep us from hanging out together as often as we'd like, but I do consider you a friend.
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