ended up so bad. It is nights like tonight that I just want to hibernate until this deployment is over. Going to start with the good though. I need to mull over what has been great about today. I got up this morning only to have BG down for the count with gunky eyes. I didn't want to risk getting any other kids sick. We get to church and as we walk in the door KG breaks down in tears. She keeps saying that we left BG in the car. I was telling her that no, BG stayed at home with MeMaw and Grandpa because she was sick. She wasn't buying the fact that BG wasn't in fact left in the car. It was really sweet. She was so worried about her sister. She even told the nursery workers that Momma left BG in the car. Sunday school was wonderful as always. Church was fantastic. Had to run up on base for some groceries, so I ran back home after church and picked up my mom and the girls. We got our groceries, and on the way home my mom was messing with the power outlet in the van. It had a penny in it. I told her that I wasn't so sure that was a good idea. Just as I said it, her phone rang and vibrated. She jumped, threw her phone, and screamed. I laughed and laughed till I had tears running down my face. It was so funny. Got home just in time to unload the van and load the kids back up in the car for Sunday night services. Worship service was AMAZING. The men in our church went to a retreat. Tonight was about their testimonies. Seems the conference was on men being the spiritual leader of their homes. Man Up was the catch phrase. It sounds like it was a great conference. I was fine until that point. We got to the end of the service, and Pastor did the invitation. That is when the tears started. All of those men, went to their families to pray with them. There I stood, with my husband thousands of miles away, tears streaming down my face. I felt like a weight settled on my shoulders. All I wanted to do was crumple into a ball and sob. It doesn't matter that he will be home soon. What mattered is that at that place and time, he wasn't home. I don't think a single person noticed how upset that I got. I just wanted to grab my kids and run out of there. The pain was horrible. My arms ached to hold him. After the final amen was said, I put my head down and got out of there as fast as I could. I sat in my van and cried for a good five minutes. I felt so alone. This wonderful feeling I had from a wonderful service was gone in the space of 5 minutes. The good day that I had was gone. All I have felt since has been an unbearable sadness. I want to be left alone, but I can't do that. I will now go and put my big girl panties on and just deal with it. Things will be better in the morning when I wake up to a new month. It means that we are one month closer to Hubster being home.
In case you missed it Hubster, I miss you so much. I can't wait for you to be home.
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