I Just have to Let Stuff Go...

I just have to. Otherwise it just keeps eating at me. Hubster has been busy this week applying for jobs. Amazing how that works when you find out that the check you were expecting to get on the 1st isn't there. Seems that when you separate from the military that DFAS holds your last check for 4 to 8 weeks. That way they can determine if you owe money. He went to the place he was working when he deployed. He is supposed to have a job. They are required by law to have a job for them. He went to tell them that he wanted to come back to work ASAP, but they have been avoiding him like the plague. I honestly don't think he has a job there, and they are scrambling to see what they need to do. We are praying that something comes up with all of the resumes that Hubster has sent out over the last 2 days.

Today is the boys last day of school until August. They were both excited. KB is going to stay the night at a friend's house, and TB has an end of the year party at somebody's house this afternoon. I'm pretty proud of the young men my boys are turning into. I think I handled the fort pretty well while Hubster was deployed.

The home front is somewhat better. We haven't sat down and discussed any thing, but I know that once the money issue is situated, that everything else will fall into place. That is our biggest problem. I'm really just trying to let things go. This past weekend was one of the best weekends we have had in a long time. I just finally broke down on Friday. I just couldn't go on any longer pretending that things are hunky dory when they aren't. I told Hubster that we needed to have a talk, but by the time he got home from the capital, I didn't have the energy or the inclination to talk about it. I decided that I'm just going to let it go.

There has been so much death, sickness, sadness, and divorce around me over the last 2 weeks, that I just can't believe it. A friend of mine on Sunday night told me that satan is really hammering at our marriages, and I can certainly agree with that. It seems like every time I turn around somebody else is getting divorced. Hubster's friend found out his wife was cheating on him while they were deployed. He was still wanting to work on their marriage, but she was done. That seems to be a common theme.

I Feel Alone...

I feel like I'm the only one out there going through a rough patch with Hubster being home. Is it just me, or am I just looking for things to go wrong? Are there others out there going through a rough patch? It isn't so bad that I want to just throw my hands up and quit, but it hasn't been pleasant. It just seems that every thing I hear and read about from other spouses, that every thing is just wonderful. That I'm the only one going through this rough patch. Maybe there is something wrong with me? Things are awkward between us. That is the best way that I can describe it. I don't know. Maybe it is just me that feels awkward.

I traded in one stress for another one. I traded in the stress of him being deployed only to have the stress of not knowing where the next paycheck is going to come from. Knowing that we have bills to pay on the 1st, and there isn't going to be a paycheck there to pay for them. We have to count on Hubster having a side job in order to pay them. Oh, how I hate this. I don't think words can describe how much I hate it.

I try to put on my happy face. I try to hide how much things are bothering me.

We have to run the paperwork up to the Tricare office, so that we will continue to have Tricare Prime during the TAMP period. That has to be done today as well as 2 more bills to be paid for. That sounds like loads of fun to me. I'm just waiting on Hubster to get home from a side job that he is doing. At least he made some good money on it. He has another one that we hope will pan out. That one should make him any where from $700 - $800. I think the guy will do it. He has had the light for his kid's basketball court for 3 years. He wants it installed. Here is hoping that one pans out for us. We could sure use it.

I'm Ready to Pull My Hair Out...

I want a break from every body. I want a break from my kids. I want a break from my husband. I want to be by myself. I want to just sit in the quiet and read a book or maybe even just sit. I don't want to have to think (worry) about any thing.

We went to the movies and say Diary of a Wimpy Kid with all 4 kids. The girls did good for the first 60 minutes, and then they started acting up. I ended up outside with them for the last 10 minutes of the movie. That was fine. It was a stupid movie any way. We then went to the commissary to get groceries. That was fun. I was nearly in tears by the time I was done. I'm seriously stressed . Not knowing when or if Hubster has a job. Knowing that another deployment is looming, and what I really want is for him to have a steady paycheck. I don't think he understands how stressed I am over it. Not knowing when or if you are going to have a paycheck is scaring me. I'm not nice to the kids. I'm not nice to Hubster because all I can do is worry about it.

We went and saw Just Wright and Robin Hood yesterday. Loved them both. We want to take the boys to see Robin Hood. Hoping that we might be able to do it tonight after the girls in bed. I think they will love it.

Another Week...

Another week has gone by. Nothing exciting has happened. I got a new Bible for Mother's Day. I love it. I got to take a nap after lunch yesterday, but that was pretty much the end of it. Our church has the kids bring in flowers for the moms. My oldest wouldn't do it. I laugh it off as him being at that age, but it did hurt my feelings some. He said that he had made me something for Mother's Day, so I didn't need a flower. He had made me a card. It was cute.

Hubster is out looking at or working on, not sure which, on 2 different side jobs today. We could really use the money. Especially since we aren't even sure that he has a job. He was given a job lead yesterday from our Sunday School teacher. We have been hearing that you can't find a job in the field that Hubster is in. The market is flooded with electricians which hurts us in 2 different ways. It drives the pay down, and that is if you can even find a job. He keeps telling me that he still has his original job, but I don't trust that job to be there. I don't care how much USERRA is supposed to protect the jobs of reserve members. It didn't help us the last time. Companies have a way around it. It happened to us the last time.

My headaches have come back with a vengenance. I've had a headache every single day for the last 2 weeks. It is awful. Add that to the issues I'm having with my body that earns me a visit to the OB/GYN, and I'm done. I'm sick of this. I'm not looking forward to that visit. Now, that I have scheduled the OB visit, I'm sure my body will respond in kind and quit doing what it was doing.

He has been home for 2 weeks now...

I mean home home. Not just on American soil. Still haven't figured out what to do about a job. I guess he isn't too worried about it. I worry, but that is me I guess.

We talked to a guy at church Wednesday night, and he was asking what Hubster was going to do. I told him that he was looking for a job, and that he was going to sign up for another deployment. That one of the Seabee battalions was needing people to go. He said he could tell us which battalion it was, and he named of the unit. He had hit the nail on the head, and said he had seen their reports. They were in need of a bunch of guys. Still trying to figure out if I'm ready for another deployment, but whatever happens, happens. I will get through it. One day at a time. That is the best that you can do.

I went to Mardels the other day, and I found a book. I wish I would have had this book at the beginning of his last deployment. It is called Hero's at Home. It is a really good read so far. The books are only a $1, and I should pick up some to hand out to those that ask me questions. It is an amazing read.

Hubster and I are still doing good. I'm still shocked at how easy the integration process has been this go around. I don't know if he feels the same or not. He doesn't talk. I keep dreaming of going back to the IP to spend some time. Maybe soon Hubster and I will get a chance to get away for a weekend. We could use it. People don't seem to realize how important it is to carve out some couple time. If you don't do that, your marriage will suffer.

He is taking the boys with him tonight to go bowling with the men at church. It sounds like they will have a good time. Our friends are coming over tomorrow for bbq and dominoes. I was laughing and saying that this makes us sound old. I love dominoes though, and we have them hooked on it also.